Today is National Suicide Prevention Day. I feel like that should be everyday but I guess one day is better than none. I haven’t written in a while so I figured I should probably post something.
Last year at this time I had decided that suicide wasn’t such a bad option. Things were bad, I felt alone, I was spiraling hardcore, and I had pretty much figured I had tried hard enough for long enough. I was exhausted and my brain had convinced me that it was not getting better and probably never would. That the option to not exist was all I had left to make the pain stop. But here’s the thing; depression lies. And so does your brain when you are dealing with mental illness.
So last year at this time I decided to try one more thing first and I made an appointment with my doctor and got on some meds. They saved my life. Now don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t immediate and there was still a lot of work to do but today I feel like a normal human. I am experiencing that feeling called happiness more and more. And I am very glad that I didn’t listen to my asshole, liar brain and make a decision that could not be taken back.
I am thankful that I am here for my friends and my family. I am thankful I was able to make decisions that made my life better and worth living. I am thankful that my children do not have to grow up without a mom and do not have to deal with the trauma that would have resulted from me listening to my liar brain. I am thankful that I still get to see sunsets and feel the sand beneath my bare feet on the beach.
Hindsight is 20/20 and I know it is not easy to think of these things when you are in the throes of a major depressive episode but I ask you to wait. You can do almost anything for 1 minute. Even survive. So if you are in a spot where you can only think of that one minute then do that. Make it through that 1 minute and then deal with the next. Eventually move on to hours, and then maybe days, It will get easier.
If you have no idea what to do or how to make it through please talk to someone. It can be a friend or a stranger. Use the Suicide hotline by calling call 1-800-273-8255. Or text 741741 to chat via text if you do not like talking. Someone is always there to help.
Things that help me:
Take a walk
Take a bath or shower
Eat a healthy snack (ice cream sometimes helps, too, though)
Do some yoga or exercise
Get coffee with a friend
Take a nap
Have my kids or friends or random people on social media tell me something good that happened to them that day (seriously, social media can be used for good and this is one of my favorite ways)
Get a hug from someone
Snuggle in bed with my kids
Do something nice for someone else
Talk to my therapist
If you do not know how to find a therapist please talk to your family doctor. They will have suggestions. If they tell you that you have to wait some ungodly amount of time, that is a lie. There are other options. Reach out to me and I am glad to talk to you about my experience or go back and read some of previous posts where I talk about my therapy experience. Try this one: I’m Officially Less Crazy? or this one: You Are Worth It. I Promise.
Meds are a lifesaver and if anyone tries to tell you differently they are stupid. Your family doc can help with those too. Here is more about my experience with them: The Magic of Meds
Finally, just talk about it. You will be surprised how many people have been where you are. People who can give you sound advice and people who can tell you from experience that it gets better.
Because it does… Get better. So hang on. It will be worth it eventually and you will be glad you stuck around. I will be glad you stuck around. And so will others. You are valuable and unique and wonderful and the world needs you.
As always, reach out if you need something, to me or somebody else. Anytime. There is always someone here.
Love to all of you.. the unconditional kind