Joy Magician

About 6 or 8 weeks ago I went through one of my darkest times in recent memory. I had a hard time making it through each day. I took that time to share more specifically my struggles with mental health on Facebook and I wrote the following post:
“Most of you know I struggle with depression. Persistent major depression to be more specific with a little bit of anxiety sprinkled in for fun. I have good times and bad times but for a number of reasons this week has been an especially bad one. Damn near impossible actually. The darkness has been closing in pretty relentlessly and the light has been at times almost impossible to see. I have had a few days where I have not known if I would be able to put one foot in front of the other to make it to the next day, and the nights have been particularly long and restless. My heart aches. My therapist tells me when things get really impossibly hard I need to try to see the good around me. It is nearly an impossible task sometimes so I ask others to help me. Because when the dark is so all encompassing you forget how to see the hope and light. I have almost given up on social media because of the hopelessness of the world right now. But instead of giving up I’m creating a space of happiness and a little hope. A space to help me and others see the good that is all around but sometimes too hard to find. So please join it if you like. Let me know and I will add you to my group. You can invite others too. Here is a little description of the group’s purpose:
Please share any random acts of kindness you do (none too small) or that are done for you or just random kindnesses you witness or especially happy news stories or adventures or beautiful pictures of sunrises or nature or art or something that made you thankful today or anything that makes your heart sing. Don’t think for one second that you are not being humble by sharing your kindness accomplishments. I promise they will help somebody’s heart. Let’s make a community of hope and love and encouragement because I need it more than anyone and I’m sure others do too. This is a space for only positive things. A space to fight the darkness. Let’s all share some love.
So join if you like. Invite others. Let’s make this huge. The only rule is to keep it positive. Because love wins, even if I can’t seem to see it right now.”
A few days after I posted this I saw a friend of mine and we were talking about my struggles and my hopelessness and the darkness I was feeling. She said a thing that stuck with me and probably always will. She called me a “joy magician”. She told me that despite living in a place of darkness and feeling utterly hopeless and feeling no happiness I managed to create a space of joy for not just myself but for others who are struggling as well. She said that I was creating joy from literally nothing. I think it was the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. And it helped. I didn’t see my group as that. I just saw it as a way to cope and maybe, hopefully make it through one more day at a time. But my friend made me feel like I was actually doing something. Quite an accomplishment when you are going through “crippling depression” as my kids affectionately call it.
We can’t always be joy magicians. But we can try to find joy in small things. We won’t always and when that happens it helps to have people around us who try like hell to help us see. If you are on Facebook and would like to join my group go ahead and search for “Random Acts of Awesome/A Little Hope for Humanity”. We would love to have you. Even if you never post anything it is a beautiful space to get away and find a little hope and perspective. To be reminded that there is good in the world. All are welcome. And if it helps you find a little bit of light in the darkness then I think it is worth it. So come join us and let us help you see the light.

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